Have You Ever Heard of “Sexual Anorexia”?

Have you ever heard the term “sexual anorexia”? 

When it comes to food anorexia is described as restriction of food intake; an eating disorder and serious mental health condition. Similarly, when it comes to sex, we talk about sexual anorexia. 

So what is sexual anorexia?

It is an extreme fear of sexual intimacy and obsessive avoidance of sex. 

However, with the clients I work with, this “avoidance” is not so extreme. It is more quiet and passive. Sexual intimacy is simply not present in their lives. They do not fanatically evade it - but they closed the door to this room and threw the key away. In time, they forget that there was ever this room called “sexual pleasure, connection and bliss”. 

If you have sexual anorexia, you might find yourself having excessive boundaries and need to be in control. You might fear change and exhibit rigidity in body and attitudes. As the boundaries are solid very little energy gets in. Constantly feeling depleted, you have very little drive to reach out. There is a felt lack of flow, fluidity and aliveness. 

For many people this type of behaviour eventually feels like a burden. They might want someone in their lives and they might feel somewhat of a desire to open up. Yet, they find themselves completely unable to.

When we start to look deeper at this behaviours of avoidance, we often discover that they stem from a response to early trauma, abuse and neglect. In short, we shut down in order to reclaim safety, security and serenity. 

So how do we heal these wounds and trauma in a safe way?

We need to engage movement; physically, emotionally and mentally. Freeing, moving, discharging the locked energy, while simultaneously providing a safe container for our emotions, will promote healing. Of course, the process is slow, mindful and it happens bit by bit. Slowly, we learn to integrate the lost parts of ourselves back into the wholeness and by doing so, we eventually open the locked door and let the light, air, joy, people, intimacy and pleasure back in!

We become fully alive again!

If by reading you recognise the symptoms of sexual anorexia affecting your life and you want to find new balance and joy in your intimacy, I can help you. Visit this page to learn more about my services.