Are You Afraid to Let Go of Control?

Are you afraid to let go of control?

If you’re someone who’s been dealing with trauma and addiction and a lot of negative, emotional experiences, the answer might be “heck yes, I’m afraid!”

Well, to ask someone who has been deeply traumatized to surrender control is like asking someone to leap from an airplane without a parachute. Without proper support, one can live in terror of letting go of control. 

So many times, did I personally hear “Oh, just let it go, chill and relax” and my reaction was to tell them to go and f*ck themselves. I was paralyzed with fear and despair. I had no idea how to let go and what I may encountered if I surrendered.

Shame often crept up as I felt the odd one out, so unequipped - socially and emotionally - having no clue how to simply be whilst everyone else seemed to be able to have a jolly good time. 

With help, I understood that years of living with raging and codependent alcoholics left deep marks on me. I was afraid to go home, to open the door, afraid to leave home, afraid I did something wrong, afraid somebody was going to get hit or kicked, feared for my own life…and the list goes on. 

Fear held me in bondage the whole time. 

Control became a friend I could rely on. An oasis of safety and tranquility.

I developed an OCD disorder and became obsessed with cleaningness and order. I remember tensing up when kids came over to play as things got messy. I could not relax and be playful. Later, I became bulimic and a workaholic; trying desperately to keep the rains of control and agency until it stopped working - and I collapsed. 

Thanks to help and support, I healed my childhood wounds and today I feel more at ease, more trusting. I feel safe. However when the control raises its head, I welcome it and say hello; instead of telling it to relax and chill I give it a big hug to assure it that I got this! I thank control for letting me know that maybe I need to be more careful or take things extra slow as I am approaching something challenging and expansive. I honor my journey and gently ease off to the beauty of life. 

It’s a big transformation and it took a lot of work, but it was oh so worthy it! And I’m glad that through my coaching skills and tools, I can support others to achieve the same balance.

How do you deal with control and letting go? Are you aware of the wounds that affect your everyday life? Have you ever thought of the type of help you need to slowly unbind yourself from the grips of control?

If by reading you recognise your own control issues and how they are affecting your life and you want to find more freedom and ease, please get in touch with me and I’ll share with you how my coaching can support you.